Understanding Unforgiveness

Colossians 3:12-14

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Forgiveness is NOT:

  • Approval of something bad that someone did to you
  • Pretending that the evil never took place
  • Justifying or making excuses for another’s hurtful behavior
  • Denying that you’ve been hurt or offended
  • Forgetting the damage done, or the act that caused the hurt
  • Dependent upon the offender’s repentance
  • Dependent upon the relationship being restored to it’s original condition.
  • Allowing, or making it easy for, the offender to hurt you again
  • Refusing to press charges when a crime is committed
  • A relinquishing of consequences of the offending action[s]

Forgiveness IS:

  • Surrendering my right to hurt you, or hold something against you, for hurting me
  • A choice to let go of the hurt and anger by experiencing and expressing instead, sorrow and regret
  • Forgiveness involves releasing another from a liability, canceling a debt owed (or thought to be owed), and offering pardon without resentment or the desire for payback
  • Both an event and a process.

Colossians 1:19-20

19 For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him [Jesus], 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

1 Peter 3:18

18 For Christ also suffered for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, in order to bring you to God.

Biblical Understanding of Forgiveness

  1. To settle, or write off a debt
  2. To pay the debt

Matthew 6:15

15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sins.

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